(Jack at one of his visits to the hospital last fall)With the approaching of this fall weather it has made me a little depressed. I am a fan of heat and it physically hurts my body when the temp drops below 7o degrees. However that is really not why I have been in a funk these last couple of days. There is much to look forward to. Fall colors, pumpkins, donuts and apple cider after the pumpkin walk, Halloween and not to mention celebrating all the boys birthdays! We have dad on the 21st, Jack on the 25th, TJ on the 30th, Jason on October 5th and Jake on the 12th. (Tyler my nephew on the Balls side is on the 26th of Septemer as well.) So there is a lot of things to be celebrated. I just have these bad memories of last year that I just can't shake. Last year I went through my first transplant in April. We were living with Cami and Tj and Jason was lucky enough to get a summer internship at Kennecott which is 15 min from Cami's house. So once school was done Jason was able to move our stuff down and we lived in their basement. It was good times despite all the healing that was going on. Jack and Grace bonded in a way that is still palpable today. They love each other and get so excited to see each other, everytime hugging. Anyways I had hit my 100th day and was able to return back to Logan. So we made the move back to Logan at the beginning of August. However the day we were packing up to leave Cami and TJ's I found a lump in my neck. I made an appt to see my oncologist and tried to keep busy organzing our apt in the weeks that i had to wait to see the doctor. As I waited the tumor grew so the news that my cancer was back did not come as a schock but more as something that I dreaded more than anything. So once again I had biopsies, scans and tests and started to undergo treatment just after Labor day. So the cool weather brings back those memories of getting up early and leaving my little family to drive down to Salt Lake with my mom for more treatments. Anyways to make a long story short that was the beginning of all the rough stuff. Hospital stays almost every week and on every Holiday. I was in the hospital on Halloween, then two weeks later for two weeks thankfully getting out before Thanksgiving and then back in the hospital for yet another Christmas and New Years.
I hate memories and cannot shake the bad feelings so I have been praying a lot and have just come to the realization that I can't live in the past and I have to move forward make new memories and when I feel sad do something that I couldn't do last year. So I am just letting you all know that these next couple of months I am going all out. I am decorating, celebrating and I am going to make this Fall the best fall ever. I hope you join me in this quest to celebrate everyday and try to get the most out of each day. Life is worth celebrating because you never know what will happen in the future you just have to enjoy the day! I would love to hear some of the fun fall things you do to celebrate with your family, I would love the help to get me out of this awful funk!
